[D15] Encrypted message to all Specials

[notasoldier]

Attention All Specials.

This is a public service announcement. If you see this woman, be aware that she is mentally unstable, extremely dangerous and very possibly a cereal addict.





Do not approach her. Do not make eye contact. If you see her coming, hide all sharp objects and your valuables and immediately move as far away from her as possible.

This message has been endorsed by Tony Stark. Yes, that Tony Stark.

Comments

[divagating]

I actually believed that until I saw "cereal addict" and now I can't tell if you're joking or just ridiculous enough not to find that to be discordant from the rest of the context.

[notasoldier]

Yeah, I'm not joking. It's not discordant if you know her.

[whosalicewhite]

Not my fault you're jealous I have cereal.

[Obviously, that's what this is over.]

[notasoldier]

[ Well, it's not an entirely untrue observation. Where did she find cereal in this hellhole? ]

Whose at fault for your mental instability?

[whosalicewhite]

[She does her most annoying, high-pitched, frustrate Eliot to the ends of the Earth, voice.]

Who's at fault for your jealousy over my cereal?

[And in one of those rare moments Parker proves she picks up the worst of pop culture -- after actually liking CGI Yoda.]

My cereal, that's better than yours. Damn right, it's better than yours.

[notasoldier]

I could care less about your cereal. [ Lies. ] I just want to know if you're going to put on a mask made of human flesh and take a chainsaw to all of us when we're sleeping.

[whosalicewhite]

Shows how much you know, I don't have a chainsaw.

[That's very comforting, right?]

[notasoldier]

[ So very comforting. ]

That's the part you have a problem with?

[whosalicewhite]

You're the one who's worried about my having a chainsaw. How stupid are you now?

[notasoldier]

Clearly I underestimated you.

[whosalicewhite]

Most people do.

[Hey, it's an absolute, 100% truth from Parker!]

Then they learn.

[And the learning curve sucks.]

[avemachina]

Sounds a little like a witch hunt.

[ which isn't to say which side of it root is on. ]

[notasoldier]

No, I think you missed the point. You're supposed to avoid the witch for your own safety.

[avemachina]

You're very literal, That Tony Stark.

[notasoldier]

I am when people are literally throwing staplers at my face.

[avemachina]

Dear god, and what next? Maybe your notepad, too! You're right, she must be stopped.

[notasoldier]

I'm picking up on a distinct lack of sympathy here.

[avemachina]

Do you always have this much trouble with women?

[shrinkage]

Did she stab you with a fork, too? Was there hissing?

[notasoldier]

She threw a stapler at my face. She stabbed you with a fork?

I distinctly remember hissing.

Not Here.

[a_man_out_of_time]

[ Steve reads this, shakes his head, and laughs once. ]

Also Not Here.

[notasoldier]

[ HDU you laugh at him, Steve. He's showing real concern for the public safety here. ]