alphanetwork | D13: Encrypted audio to Parker

I'm not you. I don't like this.

[Sometimes, she likes it when they switch jobs, but this time -- who thought this was a job for Hardison?]

No one's supposed to go there, Hardison, no one. This means I could go, but you shouldn't, unless you're with me.

Vouchers: plain paper, swipe card, chipped? What type? Not sure they'll work anyway.

[And while Parker thinks all of those things are important, what Hardison might find important is about to show up.]

Lasers.

[ He doesn't like this either and not just because Parker's on the wrong end of the mission. His partner had it right, this job has suicide mission written all over it. Still, he swallows back his nervousness and tries to keep his voice light. ]

You are with me.

Paper vouchers, watermarked with multi-color ink. They've checked them twice just on my way here and let me through. I'm pretty sure I can recreate them for later use if I can find a way to hold on to one of them.

[ He stops talking.]

Did you just say lasers?

[ Okay, so things are gonna get real fast.]

I am. We're not alone anymore.

[Among all the things he's ever said to her (besides the pretzels being there whenever she wanted them) finally convincing her she's not alone stuck. He's possibly even ruined her being alone in the future.]

Yup. Lasers. Remember stealing the First David? You'll need that.

[In case someone is listening in, she's not giving them the tip about tinfoil.]

And powder. Powder first, really, unless they're visible and then they're likely going to cut your leg off.

[Some sage advice coming up.]

DON'T GET YOUR LEG CUT OFF!

[ He can't help but smile when she says his own words back to him. It's taken a while for them to get through, but he's glad Parker believes them. ]

Got it. Shouldn't be too hard to find that and powder.

[He probably shouldn't be touched by that, but he is.]

I promise, I'm not gonna get my leg cut off.

[ Or at least he'll do his best. He doesn't want to think about what Parker would do to him afterwards if he did.]

[To her, all of this is second nature, and she has another piece of advice.]

Test with your cards first. Put them on the floor in front of where you step, and see if there's a reaction.

[Air, pressure, tracking systems, all might react. It's not foolproof, but it's a decent start.

And no, he does not want to know what would happen if his leg was cut off. First, she'll call him Hardis, or Dison, since he couldn't keep himself together, she wouldn't keep his name together.

And then all sorts of treasonable offenses would occur. Please keep all Hardison body parts as is.]

Right, in case it's weight sensitive.

[ Parker is a genius. They all had their specialties on the team. He never had to think about this Indiana Jones kind of stuff. And truth be told he enjoyed watching Parker outsmart security systems more than he enjoyed thinking about each piece of them.

He just hoped he didn't have to do any cartwheels or backflips to get through this one. He was flexible, but not that flexible. But he's feeling optimistic.]

I like this. You whispering in my ear and all.

[There's a noise of agreement and then a moment of silence. Parker doesn't talk all the time, particularly not on a job, so others can concentrate. It's professional. It's respectful.

But it's Hardison and sometimes he mixes her all up in ways she can't express, nevermind make sense of.]

I'd rather be there.

[The pout is all but audible.]

No sharing tricks of the trade. They're for you.

I'd rather you be here too.

[ Watch out, Parker. He's using that low voice that's only for you, even if it is harder to keep Jason from hearing. He's already daydreaming about being back in their room and whispering in a different way.

Though, it's gone in an instant.]

I have to work with him, Parker. Don't worry, your secrets will stay safe.

Yeah. So easy for you.

[She completely misses any sweet talk, the double entendre is accidental.
If he succeeds in not getting parts removed by lasers, he's going to get the reality of the daydream.]

I don't care if he loses a leg.

No one's losing a leg.

[ Though, is it wrong that's oddly romantic? ]

Alright, we've got the foil and some powdered sugar. Headed back to the lasers now.

[Whatever works for them.]

Tell me what you see.

What?

Come on?

[What do you mean everything's not done in 10 seconds? That's slow in Parkerland.]

Give me a sec.

[ He actually takes a lot longer than that to spot the lasers with the sugar and get the foil in place. He spreads out the lasers enough for them to crawl through, right until his knee depresses a square in the floor. He freezes.

Parker might hear him audibly swallow.]

We're halfway through, but I think I might have depressed something. Can you see us on the cameras?

[Parker is quiet for a second -- then there's a hmmmm followed by a ahhhh, and finishes with an ohhhhh.]

I see you.

You shouldn't've done that.

[She's lecturing. ]

Do you have something long and hard and not thick at all?

[That is a literal statement, no matter how it might be taken.]

[ Hardison almost chokes before he answers. ]

Hold on, hold on, I have a screwdriver in my pocket.

What was that noise for?

[He doesn't look like he's eating on the job.]

Wedge it in the space between the depressed tile and the floor. Shove it in as far as you can, one quick stroke.

[Clear, totally innocent instructions, right?]

Nothing. Not important.

[ At least not at the moment. He lets out a huff of a laugh at her words, but does as he's told. ]

Got it. It's in there.

[ If big brother could only hear them now...]

Okay.

[He may be her pretzel but sometimes he's weird.]

Take a deep breath, and while you let it out, slooooooooowly try and move off the tile. If you feel the move with you, move your equipment around a little more until it's properly wedged.

Most pressure sensitive floors can handle slight adjustments of weight, otherwise it would go off with the wrong air vent setting!

[ Yeah, this is bringing back some serious memories that he really shouldn't be thinking about when he should be focusing. He clears his throat. ]

Stepping off... [ There's a moment of silence a scrape of metal and then a small sigh.] I'm off. I got off.

[ Now he's doing it.]

[Parker, being very sensitive to others and full of decorum, will make this so much easier for him: in an alternate mirror universe, perhaps.]

Of course you would. I will always get you off.

So, what now?

Nothing. I mean, I don't see anything else except for a door about three feet away.

[ That was too easy, right? Even if it wasn't that easy? ]

Wait a minute... [ There's a small scraping sound. ] Hidden keypad.

Any powder left? Blow it on the keypad?

[This is child's play now.]

D13: Encrypted audio to Parker

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